+ Dr. Fae's Specialties

• I have two main specialties: existential crises and men’s issues (I work with people of all genders - see more about this below). It's also very important to me that my practice is rooted in intersectional social justice theory and is trauma-informed. I worked for years with people who were working through severe trauma and/or severe/persistent mental illness. So, you don’t need to worry. Each person's story is unique, but I have heard some tough tales and I'm ready to hear yours.

• Existential sounds like a big lofty word, but it’s just concerns about your existence - your everyday life. Many of my clients struggle with feeling like they don’t exactly recognize the person in the mirror anymore - maybe their job/marriage isn't what they thought it would be or things that used to make them happy just aren't working anymore. Some of my clients have struggled for a long time to be themselves. Sometimes this is because they’ve left their religion or maybe their family (or society) passed down a bunch of beliefs that don’t really work for them now. I work with my clients to help them (re)discover their true selves by challenging automatic belief systems and helping them step into their true system of values. I also help people recognize and fortify their vulnerable parts by setting boundaries internally and with others. Boundaries keep us safe and also give us tools to deepen our relationships safely. Existing is hard but a little self-awareness makes it easier.

• I came by my specialty in “men’s issues” accidentally. I worked with dozens of men during my training. Some in a high security state hospital and others as part of a court mandated program for perpetrators of domestic violence, and eventually my caseloads consistently had more men than my colleagues because of my lower drop out rate for men. These were often blue-collar workers, oil field guys, the men of rural places with big religion and even bigger family obligations. Traditional therapy doesn’t work for these guys because if you ask them “how does that make you feel?” They’re likely to say “angry” or nothing at all because these men weren’t allowed/socialized to feel anything else. When these men cried or asked for help growing up, they were ridiculed and mocked. My clients back then had often hurt people because they were hurt when they were younger, but they didn’t know what to do with all that pain until it would just explode out of them. You can read more about my opinion on men’s issues as a specialty HERE.

• These days, my male (and sometimes female) clients still have difficulties with anger and expressing themselves, but they also struggle because they were socialized for a different world. They were taught it’s expected to work overtime and now they are with colleagues who are “quiet quitting”. They were taught to avoid and ignore differences of others and now they are expected to join diversity and inclusion groups. Some were told to shut up and suck it up and now their partners and children are begging them to speak. Many of my clients these days have come a long way, but still recognize there are some parts of their lives that can’t be fixed with the tools in their toolbox. That’s okay. If there’s anything that my hundred of trips with my dad to Sears, Hobby Lobby, and Lowe’s taught me, it’s that there are always new tools out there. I see therapy as a place where I can share my tools with you, and you don’t even need to return them.

• Just because I specialize in men's issues, doesn’t mean I don’t work well with women or non binary folx. I have had explicit training (in and out of academic contexts) on gender, sexuality, and the intersectionality of marginalized identities (race, religion, SES, citizenship, neurodiversity, ability, etc.). I highlight my specialty in men’s issues because they have more barriers to accessing and participating in care especially if they were socialized in traditional masculine ways. In fact - if you were always considered “one of the guys” or “not like other girls”, I bet a lot of what I said above rings true for you too. Society is differently cruel to all of us.

+ Who is a good fit?

• The vast majority of my clients are FSOs/EFMs at Post. I can ALSO meet with individuals online who are physically located in any of the 40+ states listed HERE, thanks to an interjurisdictional compact called PSYPACT. This list does include the DMV area. In person sessions available in DC.

• My training and experience allows me to work with a wide variety of concerns, but you will grow the most if you have a therapist who is a good fit. You might be a GREAT fit for me if some (or a lot) of these things are true for you:

  • You are sick and tired of the way things are and ready to make a change
  • You appreciate direct communication/feedback
  • You are a little (or a lot) perfectionistic/type A/overachiever/generally a bit anxious
  • You like homework or things to think about between sessions (don't panic - this is optional)
  • You use humor to make sense of the world or appreciate when others do (sometimes this also looks like sarcasm)
  • You question things until you are satisfied with the answers. (You might be very skeptical that therapy will work for you)
  • You are an existential thinker
  • You want a space where you can talk about all your identities (gender, race, religion, sexuality, ability, etc.) and how they are impacting your life journey
  • You use a lot of profanity (profanity is welcome but not required)
  • You are a social justice warrior or have an interest, understanding, and/or stake in changing/challenging systems of oppression/marginalization
  • You have been in therapy before and want something more in depth or specific

• Want to see if we might be a GREAT fit? As I mentioned, the only way for us to truly know is to have a chat. I promise I don’t bite. I mean, I can’t, it’s online. It’s 30 minutes and it’s FREE. What have you got to lose?

• Fill out the form on my Get Started page and we can schedule a FREE 30 minute consultation.

• Still not enough information for you?! Okay, READ THIS.

+ Who is NOT a good fit?

• Couples

• Families

• Children (under 18)

• Individuals who need a high level of care (this is simply not possible in a tele-health setting)

• Individuals who are at a moderate/high risk for suicide

• Individuals who are actively struggling with psychosis (if your psychosis symptoms are well controlled or in remission, let’s talk about if I’m a good fit for you)

• Individuals whose main concerns are addiction related and that addiction is not yet manageable.

I help who I can, but I'm just one lady. If I can't be helpful to you, check out my referral page for people I trust! If you want more information about how to start therapy or find a therapist, I highly recommend this guide. I also link to several resources including therapy directories for specific groups and concerns on my Resources page.

+ Can Dr. Fae really help you?

• You get to decide that! Let me tell you what I do.

• I believe therapy is a highly collaborative process. I constantly ask my clients for feedback (e.g. “Does that sound right?” “Was that exercise helpful?”) to make sure we stay on the same page. I like to say I am an expert in change and relationships, but you are an expert in you! The more you correct me, the more I can align my understanding of you with who you really are and the more helpful I can be for you. I generally see my role as a more objective observer and my main tasks are as follows:

  1. I help you put your issues in the larger context. I focus on you as a part of your context (intersection of identities, relationships, goals, culture, and more). This allows me to guide you to a greater understanding of self. The important flip side of this is I also help you separate your self/beliefs from the beliefs of society. This helps you choose your own driving forces and reject unhelpful pressures from systems like patriarchy/machismo (which harms all genders), internalized racism/homophobia/etc., the "American dream", or more specific personal narratives.

  2. I don’t want you to be happy (but it’s a great bonus if you are!), I want you to be reasonable and self-aware. If you understand yourself, you can make choices that work well for you. Aligned choices give you satisfaction and comfort even in the hardest of times. Life is hard. When you accept that, you can focus on the parts of life where you have power and leverage it.

  3. I point out inconsistencies and unhelpful habits so you can decide if you want to change them or not. If you do, then I help you do that. It can be uncomfortable to be challenged, but it is an important part of my job. Working through that process together creates long lasting change.
  4. I remind you of the strengths you forgot you had, so you can put those back into action. Humans are amazing and resilient creatures. You have already overcome so much, often we just need to make a few adjustments to correct your trajectory. If you were forced to grow up too fast and missed some skills, I can help you learn those too.

+ Dr. Fae's theoretical orientation

• Essentially, this section tells you what is going on in my brain while you talk and how I use that to help you.

• My theoretical orientation gives me a framework for what’s important to people and how they heal. I use several theories and techniques to provide the highest quality care that is unique to each individual’s experience. This is called an “eclectic” theoretical orientation.

• I like to use the following universe metaphor to explain how theories work together. Existential theory is my sun, everything else is illuminated and guided by it. My orbiting planets are Narrative, Solution Focused, Psychodynamic/Object relations, and Cognitive Behavioral theories, and Humanistic. All of these are suspended in the gravity of social justice, culturally sensitive and feminist meta theories. These are called meta theories because they don’t have specific interventions, but they are important for the context of the system and they exist everywhere.

• If you want to read A LOT more about my theoretical orientation, you can do so HERE.

+ Getting a little more personal with Dr. Fae

• I'm passionate about connection & community. My mission is to help demystify the underlying dynamics of connection and empower people to take the necessary steps to weave the network that will not only support them but also fill their hearts the way only deep connection can.

• I am an EFM (spouse) to an officer in the U.S. Foreign Service. That means we move around a lot, but I feel lucky that the internet has made it possible for me to take my therapy practice with me, no matter where we are.

• I identify as a queer cisgender woman. Social justice is a vital part of my life and practice. My antiracism practice is always in process/progress. In the words of Flavia Dzodan, “My feminism will be intersectional, or it will be bullshit”. My feminism is imperfect (an idea I first read about in “Pleasure Activism” by adrienne maree brown) and queer as hell. I use the term Feminist until we can come up with an ideology that better addresses the idea that all humans are struggling and we should try to minimize that when possible through equitable policies & systems.

• If you don’t want to read 4 articles to understand all that, let me break it down. I aspire to live, act, and practice in a way that supports people as whole people and understands how the intersection of their identities and roles creates their unique experience in the world. I understand we live in a complex world with a history that oppressed certain groups and gave power to others. Most of us have some privileged identities and some marginalized ones and it’s important to acknowledge how that plays out in our lives so we can take responsibility for what is ours and not take on blame for what is systemic (but hopefully we can find ways to contribute to changing harmful systems). I support equitable treatment of all people, which involves not only not participating in harmful systems when possible but actively moving to change those systems.

• Humans like to simplify things with dichotomies (heterosexual/homosexual, men/women, good/bad, in a relationship/single) and I recognize that most dichotomies are false and the more we can tolerate the ambiguity and discomfort to expand dichotomies into spectrums and create a grey area, the more likely we are to find our true selves and make choices that align with that.

• Why is all this in my personal section? Well, these parts of me inform my practice, but therapy is about your process and our work together. I put this information out here to let people know it’s safe to talk about ALL your parts with me and I can participate in the conversation. However, it’s in this section because it may be that we never directly talk about these things, and that’s okay too.

+ The boring details of Dr. Fae

• Dr. Fae Frederick has a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology. Her professional interests center around community and connection. She uses her knowledge of interpersonal, organizational, and cultural/political systems to assist individuals, groups, and agencies in achieving their highest potential and in reconnecting to their mission through intentional interactions and increased understanding of self and others.

• Dr. Fae Frederick is from the United States of America and received her Doctorate (Ph.D.) in Counseling Psychology from Oklahoma State University (Stillwater, Oklahoma, USA), an accredited program through the American Psychological Association. She completed her internship at Aurora Mental Health Center in Aurora, Colorado, an accredited internship program through the Association of Psychology Postdoctoral and Internship Centers (APPIC). She received her Master’s (M.A.) in Mental Health Counseling from Boston College (Boston, Massachusetts, USA). She is currently licensed in the District of Columbia, USA. Her research areas have included: defining social justice, interdisciplinary university-community partnerships, risky behaviors in rural LGBTQ+ communities, and program design and development.

• Fae has experience in settings such as: private group practice abroad (Vietnam), community mental health, refugee center, integrated care (within a primary care office), juvenile justice services, domestic violence and sexual assault services, and a high security state hospital. She also has experience in adult and child assessment, teaching at the university level, grant writing, and supervision of other therapists. She is trained to work with all age groups and diagnoses, however her specialties are working with adults to resolve existential crises, finding/making meaning, and men's issues.

+ Still want to know more?

• Mostly, I do this work because I’m awesome at it and I love it. I sometimes read Freud at bedtime (really) and I’ve had some hard days as a clinician, but my time with clients and supervisees has always been the most energizing and invigorating part of my work. I have never second guessed my profession and I honestly can’t see myself doing anything else. Except maybe being a professional organizer. I LOVE putting things in the right place and throwing unhelpful things out. Kind of like aligning values and discarding unhelpful narratives. 🤔

  THE LONG STORY

  THE EARLY YEARS

  • I have always been concerned with having a greater purpose. When applying for graduate school, I discovered a professor who studied the Meaning of Life (Dr. Kinnier at Arizona State). I thought “Holy cow, is that a thing?!” And ASU went immediately to the top of my list. Well, ASU ended up rejecting me, maybe even twice. No hard feelings, Richard. But I remained very dedicated to the idea of dedicating my career to finding the meaning of life.
  • A light search at the library revealed the meaning of life had already been found, over and over again. 🤷 Honestly, this really helped me sooth my rejection burn. Actually the research was quite simple and clear. By now I am sure you are on the edge of your seat, “WHAT IS IT, FAE?!” I’ll tell you. It’s relationships. If you just thought, “Oh, yeah, that makes sense” and gave a little shrug, then you can exactly identify with my experience when I first found that out. It didn’t stop me from writing a paper about it, because hey, I already had the references, but it did stop me from making it my life’s work.

  THE MIDDLE AGES

  • From there, I went on to start my Master’s degree at Boston College, where I learned more about existential theories and therapies (and about Jesuits - cool folks). Victor Frankl’s book, “Man’s Search for Meaning” seemed like a good place to start (to learn about existentialism, not Jesuits). He (and a bunch of other existentialists) say that we create our own sense of meaning and purpose in life, and for most people it’s related to their relationships.
  • I worked in a bunch of places where existential theory not only seemed to help me make sense of my clients concerns but also seemed to help my clients. I started Meaning Making groups at a high security state hospital, a domestic violence and sexual assault crisis center, and a community mental health center that largely served individuals with SPMI (Severe & Persistent Mental Illness) and those who experienced significant/multiple traumas.

  MY FINAL YEARS IN THE IVORY TOWER

  • I went on to get a PhD because that’s what people told me to do (blast that academic elitist system!). But, my program was awesome and let me take a bunch of classes in public health and business, and provided a ton of supervision that helped level up my clinical work, so that’s cool.
  • They also let me work on whatever my overachieving heart desired so I did things like ran a few research labs, started a community-university partnership, rewrote a court mandated program for individuals who were convicted of domestic violence to make it actually helpful/kind to the people taking the course, published some papers, gave trophies topped with golden cows to people with ugly sweaters, you know, doctor stuff.
  • After my final internship, I almost got sucked into a very low paying job in an agency with very high burnout, but they rescinded my job offer after I asked them what they were going to do about the burnout.

  AND THEN EVERYTHING CHANGED, FOR THE BETTER!

  • Well, first I had my own existential crisis because at the time I didn't take rejection well and after some quick soul searching and a lot of pizza I decided to travel the world. It was awesome. Two years later I ended up moving to Vietnam, where I worked in a group practice for 2 years with expats and local Vietnamese folx who spoke English.
  • The theme of disconnect kept coming up again and again for my clients, even before COVID-19 hit. I started digging around and found a lot of research and writings about the universal problems of our overly digitally connected world (loneliness, distraction, new patterns of interacting with others). So my work shifted to help people learn more about themselves, what’s important to them (values), where their soft spots are (vulnerabilities), how to evaluate and redraw their boundaries. Then they are able to truly understand the conflict prevention/resolution skills they originally came into therapy for.
  • I developed the first iteration of the Deepening & Developing Connections Workshop there and ran it several times as a way to get the connection word out to more people. My awesome colleague Thang Mai translated it to Vietnamese (literally and culturally) and she continues to run it in Vietnamese in Ho Chi Minh City.
  • Because of the nature of my life I now work largely with the U.S. (and other countries) Foreign Service Community (FSOs, EFMs, & WTFEs 😜) and with people all over the world through telehealth services. We talk a lot about the meaning of life, whether or not they should quit their jobs, and how to make their lives better by consciously choosing the important stuff every day.